If only I could live my life, not write it,I’d have double the experience
and be better at nothingness, at being present.The page, I once believed, offers permanence,
sanctifying time, making it longer,but now I see my words as susceptible,
even if digital, to fire, flood, misplacement.To misinterpretation. To accidental
download by enemy. I don’t yet want themto be lost, but I dread the possibility
that they won’t self-destruct at the endof my life, or the end of my lucidity.
Maybe I’ve been using paper all wrong,committing to ink what should live in my head,
which is part of my body, which will not last.Long ago, in college, a friend once said
he would never keep a journal; he preferredto live in the moment. Back home in June,
I threw…