Esquire April 2014

PAGE 78 JIMMY KIMMEL WANTS EVERYONE TO BE A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLEIt's how he distinguishes himself in the crowded world of late-night TV. But his real genius is making us like him for it. BY TOM CHIARELLA PAGE 120 THE DRUGGING OF THE AMERICAN BOYOne in seven Americanboys will be diagnosed with ADHD before they're eighteen. But is there really a need to give psychotropic drugs to boys just for being boys? BY RYAN D'AGOSTINO The Life List Eighty-four endeavors, opportunities, journeys, and fantastically bad ideas you gotta try. Time is short. Such as … PAGE 90 No. 28: GET LOSTWhen you don't know where you are, that's where you want to be. A painful trip through Chile's Atacama Desert. BY JOHN H. RICHARDSON PAGE 97 No. 52: LIVE YOUR NIGHTMARETake…

INSIDE: 26 MEN, WOMEN, DRINKS, JOKES, MOVIES, MAD MEN, VACUUMS, MEAT LOAF, NOTIONS, AND A HANDFUL OF BOLD IDEAS THAT DEFINE OUR TIME. OR AT LEASTTHIS MONTH. Breakfast at Cafe Cluny in the West Village with the new host of Late Night. Scott Raab : You're doing test shows at this point? Seth Meyers: Starting Tuesday next week. We're doing a lot of camera tests now, blocking bits, how I walk out, how we get the guests out. SR: Every little thing has to be thought through. SM: The biggest relief going through this process was when I first got the job, I thought I would be in charge of everything, but I'm barely in charge of anything. SR: You're okay with that? SM: I'm a control-freak on the writing,…

NO. 03 A HANDY INSULT. USE AS YOU LIKE. "You're not even a man. You're like an early draft of a man where they sketched out a mangled skeleton but they didn't have time to add details like pigment or self-respect." —Ed Webster (played by Zach Woods), a campaign fundraiser on Veep, which returns to HBO for a third season this month They used to go away. They used to have their moment, and then provide us with a handy little morality tale about the perils of fame. We used to be able to pity them, even as our children worshipped them. Yes, the little girls might scream for you now, oh child star, as you display the precocity of your talents, but just wait until the culture has had…

NO. 06 THE LEAST DAINTY PUNCH Port Royal Punch: Stir 1 ½ cups loosely packed brown sugar and 1 cup water over a low flame until sugar dissolves. Let cool. Combine with 1 ½ cups fresh-squeezed lime juice in a gallon jug or pitcher. Add one 750-ml bottle Wray & Nephew White Overproof Rum, 2 qts water, and a few sprigs mint. Refrigerate for 1 hour before serving. Serve over ice. Serves 10 well. Poke around the shelves of liquor stores and the back bars of contemporary cocktail ateliers (or whatever they're calling themselves in 2014) and you'll find a surprising number of spirits that are a good deal stronger than the standard 80-proof, or 40 percent abv, alcohol by volume. In part, that's because cocktails are king these days…

There's the obvious way, of course. I can practically construct the exact sequence of shots: Don plummets to his death onto Madison Avenue. The fall is in slow-motion, then a sharp splat, and then the camera lifts to reveal a body on the street illuminated by the flashing lights of high-end boutiques, and it's about the ultimately deadening effect of consumer capitalism, and, Oh, my God, the credits have been telling us what's going to happen from the beginning. But by now, everyone's expecting that. I think there could be worse punishments for the quintessential American corporation man. I'd rather see him wind up on the beach in Sarasota, or somewhere in Florida, anyway. On the Gulf Coast side probably, in that easy America, where the weather's always great and…

OTHER THINGS YOU MAY HAVE PICKED UP FROM TV That short attention span Grandma's always complaining about • the idea that any video or photograph can always be digitally enhanced • nearsightedness • the misconception that your cell-phone screen remains lit when you're on a phone call • an undying love for Bill Cosby. NO. 14 WHY DO I ALWAYS WANT TO SMOKE AFTER SEX? IS IT A BRAIN THING OR SOMETHING I LEARNED FROM TV? I thought it was so you could have an intimate experience with something you loved, but if I'm mistaken, I will amend my files. Yes, people on what you narrowly term "TV" do sometimes smoke after sex. I'm sure you've occasionally looked up from smoking and noticed as much. But I don't think that's…