Innholdsfortegnelse for March 2014 i Esquire

PAGE 114 PETER DINKLAGE AND YOU Everybody everywhere seems to want a piece of him. BY MIKE SAGER PAGE 144 LIFE WITH THE MAYOR, PART 1: ROB FORD WITHOUT SHAME Despite the crack, the epic outbursts, and the general madness, Rob Ford is still the mayor of Toronto. He explains where all this is going. BY CHRIS JONES PAGE 150 LIFE WITH THE MAYOR, PART 2: RAHM EMANUEL WITHOUT FEAR Teachers, public workers, voters—even nuns are fed up with Rahm. If things are really that bad in Chicago, someone needs to tell the mayor. BY NEIL STEINBERG PAGE 164 THINGS A MAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT COOKING The essential lessons, including a guide to the one-pot meal, the simplest way to peel garlic, and why you might never again make a…

NO. 12 OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS IN NEED OF EARNEST CRITICISM Video games • crime fiction • potato chips • soup • grocery stores • contemporary baby naming • marijuana • very, very long blog posts • back-label whiskey-origin stories • parade commentaries • burritos • college football uniforms • hockey fights • Brad Pitt's approaches to grooming • weather NO. 13 I DON'T WANT TO INVEST IN A MOVIE UNLESS I KNOW IT'S GOOD. ARE THERE RELIABLE pornography reviews? Not really. With recent cutbacks, most major media outlets have had to lay off their porn bureau entirely, so I'm afraid that the golden age of Gene Fistkel and Rogered Ebert is long gone. Which is too bad, because we've never needed it more. You see, it's easy to judge the…

BECAUSE SOMEBODY HAS TO RECOGNIZE ACHIEVEMENTS IN THE SCIENCE AND ART OF CINEMA … AND THE MOVIES, TOO! BEST ANIMATED FEATURE Pain & Gain is based on a true story about a gang of felonious bodybuilders, told excellently by Pete Collins in the Miami New Times in 1999. In Michael Bay's hands: cartoon characters. BEST FROTTAGE (HUMAN ON HUMAN) Scarlett Johansson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Don Jon. BEST FROTTAGE (HUMAN ON OBJECT) Cameron Diaz and a car hood in The Counselor. THE MERYL STREEP MEMORIAL AWARD FOR SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT IN ACCENTS Benedict Cumberbatch: aristocratic southern in 12 Years a Slave; Oklahoma hick in August: Osage County; Australia by way of Asperger syndrome in The Fifth Estate; the Queen's English in The Hobbit. THE MICHAEL FASSBENDER/TOM HARDY AWARD FOR CINEMATIC OMNIPRESENCE…

Ovadia & Sons NEXT-GEN OLD-SCHOOLERS. ALSO, TWINS. ARIEL AND SHIMON OVADIA, twins by birth and business partners by choice, have been in the clothing business for a long, long time, well before Shimon—or was it Ariel? twins!—came up with the idea of launching Ovadia & Sons, a clothing line your dapper granddad might've worn if he were young (and fit-conscious) today. At age 14, the Brooklyn-bred brothers were already spending their evenings tagging merchandise in the family's Flatbush apartment for their dad's children's-wear distribution company. By 18, they were flying around the country to secure orders with retail giants such as JCPenney and Walmart. (Picture Shimon, having written the slip for the latter, in a sea-blue sheep-printed Hermès tie borrowed from Ariel.) They're fashion lifers, and now, at 31, they…

AT TWILIGHT on Tenth Avenue, the sidewalks of lower Chelsea, in the island kingdom of Manhattan, are thronged with creatures of every ilk—dewy working girls and snugly tailored metro boys, polyethnic couples and Euro-tourons; a burly man in a white apron splattered with blood; a fashionista pushing a rack of clothes; a bodybuilder leashed to a pug. Cars honk, buses whoosh, the sun setting over the Hudson River casts an energetic glow. Peter Dinklage is sitting by a window in one of his favorite restaurants, facing northward, against the tide of the passing show. The overhead lights are bright; a jazzy soundtrack noodles through the inner atmosphere, which smells deliciously of baking bread. Few patrons are in evidence; the kitchen is shut down, retooling for dinner. He requested a seat…

From the air, Toronto's iconic, late-modern City Hall looks like a wide, unblinking eye, symbolism that lately has seemed more appropriate than ever: Even the building can't quite believe this circus. Deep underneath its two curved towers, on a cold and bitter January day, His Worship Mayor Rob Ford sits in the passenger seat of a black Cadillac Escalade, driven by a hulking bodybuilder named Jerry Agyemang. In addition to his role as chauffeur, he has also been providing the mayor with physical security and workout tips. Together they ease into a reserved spot in the salt-stained parking garage and take an elevator to City Hall's second floor. It's early, and so far, it's still dimly lit and quiet. It so rarely is around here anymore. The elevator's silver doors…

> Bob Dylan told me never to drop a name. > You don't want things to be nice and settled. You think you do. But you don't. > The reason I'm laughing is because the first thing I was going to say was "Shut the fuck up and stay out of my way." But that's not really what makes a good director. > Barry Levinson is part of a very, very small club of directors who have hired me twice. > When they say, "That's a wrap," I kiss it goodbye. It's gone in a heartbeat. > What I got from my father was a burning desire to succeed. My father was into fame and leaving his mark. He was a city planner, sort of a genius in that world,…

Inside: 95 Men, Women, Drinks, Jokes, musicians, movies, biblical figures, Notions, and a Handful of Bold Ideas That Define Our Time. Or at least this month. Scott Raab talks to the actor over lunch at the Greek Kitchen, a Goldblum favorite in midtown Manhattan. Scott Raab: I like this place. JEFF GOLDBLUM: "It's perfect for us, a small family place." Isn't that what Abe Vigoda says in The Godfather? "It's perfect for us. They got an old-fashioned toilet with the chain thing. We might be able to tape the gun behind it." James Caan says, "I want somebody very good to plant that gun." SR: "I don't want my little brother coming out of there—" JG: —"with his dick in his hands." SR: It's a great movie. JG: And II…

A LITTLE GIRL WALKS into a pet shop and asks in a sweet lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you have wittle wabbits?" Delighted, the shopkeeper asks, "Would you like a wittle white wabby or a fuwwy bwack wabby?" The girl leans forward and says, "I really don't fink my pyfon giveths a thit." ABOUT THE JOKESTER: Annet Mahendru originally set out to use what she calls her "ethnic ambiguity" in the service of the United Nations. Born to Russian and Indian parents, the 24-year-old actress, who grew up in Afghanistan, Germany, Russia, and the U. S., speaks six different languages and was enrolled in NYU's International Relations master's program before she packed it in for acting. "I wanted to be a diplomat. And now with this first big gig, I'm…

WHY WE ALL WEAR JEANS There is no good reason why we all wear jeans. There is no inescapable logic, no practical necessity—zero inevitability about the existence and insistent draw of the five-pocket denim pants found in every closet and dresser around the country. We wear them for the best possible reason—we want to—and because we're driven by individual preference, there is no one way to wear them. There is no one rule saying we have to wear this blue and not that blue—as AG Adriano Goldschmied shows this season, there are many variations of blue—nor is there any rule we have to wear blue at all. We have options and opportunities, gentlemen, and in the following pages we outline the latest and greatest ones in all their rugged splendor.…

THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN something inherently ludicrous about ancient Greeks and Romans onscreen. The permed senators in the 1960s, the CGI-ed Spartans from 300 led by shouty, permaflexed Gerard Butler—it's all pure potted ham. The stories of ancient civilizations are supposed to be timeless, which is why Hollywood can't stop remaking them, but they date almost instantly. In 1917, Theda Bara's sexually opulent Cleopatra—wild sexuality, lavish sets, a cast of thousands—was the definitive expression of modernity's newfound decadence. Stanley Kubrick's Spartacus and Fellini's Satyricon reflected the corruption of contemporary politics and the burgeoning mayhem of the sexual revolution. And now the classics have returned to be our mirror again: This month there will be not only the sequel to 300 but also a Gladiator-meets-Armageddon movie, Pompeii. The ancients of our…

'CAUSE ANYONE CAN FIGURE OUT THE HOW AND WHAT. TRUE STYLE MEANS KNOWING WHY. But First, Some Context. NOW IT'S ON TO L. A. AND THEN NEW YORK. AND THEN BACK TO L. A. AND THEN BACK TO NEW YORK. HEREWITH TWENTY-ONE GREAT MEN FROM TWO GREAT AMERICAN CITIES. Man has been getting dressed every morning of every year since Adam strapped on his vegetal merkin and asked Eve if his bulge was unseemly. Eve, mouth full of apple, was too busy ruining everything forever to answer, leaving Adam to grapple with his leaf, which he has continued to do, in some form or another, ever since. The leaf has grown in coverage and complexity, and over the last five or six years men's wear has joined fantasy football and…

"Trending toward insolvency." "The country's worst school system." "The murder capital of America." This is Rahm Emanuel's third year as mayor of Chicago, and everything is under control. SISTER ROSEMARY CONNELLY was not pleased with the mayor of Chicago. The head of Misericordia, a beloved home to 600 people with Down syndrome and other disabilities, the eighty-three-year-old nun might not at first glance seem to be in a position to carry much influence over city politics. But this is Chicago, and Misericordia offers gold-plated care in a state notorious for its nightmarish residential institutions. The children and siblings of the powerful—politicians, TV anchors, lawyers, developers—are cared for there, and an A-list of Chicago's leadership arrives on command, on bended knee and with an open checkbook. It was 2011, and the…

HOW DO YOU GET A NICE SEAR ON A STEAK? HOW LONG DOES CHICKEN LAST IN THE FRIDGE? WHAT KIND OF PANS DO YOU NEED? HOW MANY KNIVES? HOW DO YOU CARVE A TURKEY? HOW DO YOU MAKE EVERYTHING TASTE BETTER? AND IS IT HARD? For many, many, many years, we here at the Esquire Institute of Culinary Excellence have strived to show men that cooking at home is easy, fun, economical, attractive to women, and deeply satisfying to the soul. But never before have we tried to pack so much wisdom, so many tips and tricks, into so few pages. The 99 things you're about to learn will last you a lifetime. They're not in any order, and there's probably other stuff you have to know. If we think…

NOS.06–11 In any well-stocked modern liquor store, you'll find a shelf near the Scotches holding an odd assortment of malt whiskies in the Scotch style, but made everywhere from Austria to Australia, India to Indiana. "World whiskies," they're called: whiskies distilled (for the most part) from 100 percent malted barley in old-fashioned pot stills, just like they make in the Scottish Highlands. That's no coincidence: The vast majority of them are from distilleries whose construction was inspired by the single-malt boom of the 1980s and 1990s. (Before that, almost all Scottish malt whisky was used in blends.) There is, however, one clutch of bottles whose roots are much deeper. At the beginning of the last century, Japan was rapidly modernizing itself, following the model of another island nation of polite…

MaHB NO. 19 THESE GREAT SENTENCES "It occurred to her that they were two children playing in a camper behind a house after school let out but before their parents came home from work. Randy tasted like mayonnaise. But was it not also true that they could say to each other with their bodies, I want this part to be over, I want to move on to the next part? With their bodies there were ways to leave the Airstream, home, Texas." —from All I Have in This World, by Michael Parker, about two strangers who buy a car together They say we crucify Jesus in every generation, but Hollywood does it lots more. Film barely had begun when they started making The Life and Passion of Jesus Christ in…

A COMPLETELY UNBORING, TOTALLY SCIENTIFICAL LOOKAT THE BEST SHAVE CREAMS, HOW THEY WORK, ANDWHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW—AND LOOK FOR—TO MAKESURE YOURS WORKS, TOO The SkeletonAlthough they differ in quality and proportion, the basic ingredients of shave creams are relatively uniform across brands. Each component has a distinct function: Fatty acids and oils provide moisture; glycerin helps follicles and skin retain that moisture and also affects viscosity; alkalis like sodium and potassium hydroxide help produce a lather to hold the hair up; and water softens texture and serves as a spreading agent, dissolving and evenly dispersing the ingredients. Altering the proportion of those ingredients is what changes the consistency and texture of the cream (not to mention the price). The more fats and oils included, the richer and thicker the cream…

THE LONELY JOURNEYOF AN ANGRY CAR THE 2014 CHEVROLET SS BY SAM SMITH The rear-wheel-drive American car is barely a thing now, but for years it was all Detroit spit out. Even by the 1970s, when the Japanese were starting to convert the planet to front-wheel drive, America's fleet maker was holding on to its ancient blueprint: big engine up front, drive wheels in back, yards of sheet metal in between. Industry needs and public opinion killed the idea. Save one or two new cars, if you want an American sled, you have to hail an old-school New York cab, hit a police auction for a used cruiser, or watch John Candy in Uncle Buck. Cars like this have a certain appeal, though, especially when they're fast. Even if you…

"Guys are vain. We don't like to admit it, but it's true. We want to stay hip. We want to look young. We want to seem relevant. And it's not just about the type of jeans we wear. It's about the way we style our hair and take care of our skin. Nobody wants to look like an old man before he has to." Jean-Pierre Mastey, 38, L. A. men's grooming guru; Creative ADVISOR to Baxter of California AND Baxter Finley Barber & Shop on La Cienega Two-button wool suit ($4,295) by Giorgio Armani; cotton shirt ($335) by Dunhill; silk tie ($150) by Burberry London; leather shoes ($900) by Esquivel. STEVEN KOLB, 52, N. Y. CEO, COUNCIL OF FASHION DESIGNERS OF AMERICA "I call it disheveled American. I'll be wearing…

WHEN you type the name "Cobie Smulders" into Google, the autocomplete feature gives you some excellent suggestions. For instance, "Cobie Smulders hot." Hard to argue with that. And after that, "Cobie Smulders feet." Her feet? "My sister-in-law told me about that," says Cobie when asked about this phenomenon (proving it's not just my search history, thank God). "It's so odd to me, because I hate my feet. I think they're ugly. I make it a point to hide them when I go out publicly." Maybe that's the cause: Her feet are seen as forbidden fruit? "Yes, it's a mystery. America wants to see them." As a thorough journalist, I looked at Cobie Smulders's feet on Google image search and didn't find them ugly at all. Nice toes, solid arch. I…