Innholdsfortegnelse for Drum Makoti i Drum English

Women are different. Just like some prefer sweatpants and sneakers, others prefer pencil skirts and red bottoms. And so, the kinds of relationships they want to be in are also different. Someone women want a man who only has eyes for her and will wait on her hand and foot. But others prefer a man who will only be around on occasion because he has other women in his life. Drum chats to Thobile Mseleku, also known as MaKhumalo, who is married to polygamist Musa Mseleku. She is the third of four wives and she says if she could have a do over in life, she would still choose to be in a polygamous marriage with the same man and same sister wives. Polygamy is an age-old tradition that is…

IT’S a topic that is still taboo in most marriage. When you said ‘I do’, you were saying it to the person you envisioned spending the rest of your life with. In sickness and in health, till death do you apart. But what happens when that so-called seven-year itch comes knocking? Or when you meet someone you are attracted to, but you really don’t want to cheat. It might be time for “the talk”. Yes, you’re married, you love your partner, and you want to stay married to them, but you also want to explore and be physically intimate with other people. That would be the easiest way to explain what an open marriage is, if someone asked you. “When a partner in the marriage brings up the possibility of…

Visiting your inlaws for the first time can be very daunting for any new makoti. Sometimes they just don’t know what to expect. Author Phindile Mbonane Ndebele has written a book that is set to help the makotis and equip them for their duties once they get to their in-laws. Her book, Makoti, has recipes women can use to learn how to make traditional meals that will impress any in-laws. She urges women to equip themselves when heading to the rural areas. “The trick is to ensure that you have things that will make your life easier. “I would suggest that women pack anything from linen to spices. This is not to say your in-laws do not have these things or you are looking down on them, but this is…

It’s that time of the year when many of us are looking forward to the holidays – sun, sea and plenty of parties. And after the past couple of years of Covid-19 regulations, South Africans are ready to take some short lefts and relax. But for some married African women, that kind of down time is just a dream. When they head home to check on family members post Covid, all they have to look forward to are long days of hard work. Rising before the crack of dawn if she is in a rural area, the makoti will light a fire, get breakfast ready, wash dishes, do the laundry and see to the children before preparing lunch and supper. At traditional events certain responsibilities are placed squarely on the…

They get down on one knee and nervously, hands shaking, visibly sweating, pull a velvet-covered box out of their pocket. It’s a heart-stopping moment. And you want to make sure you memorise every second of it. It’s the perfect time, perfect location, they’re the perfect person but … the ring is just not your style. At all. As a jewellery designer, Kristin Weixelbaumer of Black Betty has seen this happen before. “Many people come back to redo their rings,” she says. In fact, one of the rings the jewellers had painstakingly custom-made to meet the specific needs of a client ended up having one of the most memorable journeys that a piece of jewellery can have, she recalls. “The ring was rejected.” It then ended up on display at the…

“The bond cancellation attorney, the transfer attorney or lawyer and the bond registration attorney or lawyer – they are all conveyancers,” says Giuseppina Amore, a conveyancer and notary at Myers Attorneys in Silvamonte, Johannesburg East. “The conveyancer is an attorney. First you qualify as an attorney, and then you study and you write another exam and you get admitted as a conveyancer. The conveyancer is the only person allowed to deal with immovable property in the deeds office.” Giuseppina outlines the different types of conveyancing attorney roles: ◗ There’s the ones that do the bond cancellation for the existing bond on the property; ◗ There’s the one who deals with the transfer of the property from the seller to the buyer; and ◗ There’s the bond registration attorney, who registers…

FIRST came love, then came lobola and mahlabiso and now their family is complete after the birth of their baby. She believes in keeping things close to her chest until the big day. Which is why it came as a complete surprise when she announced that she had not only been pregnant, she had also already given birth. It wasn’t the first time that she’d left fans completely surprised by her big moves. But media personality and reality star Faith Nketsi isn’t done. She still has a lot of surprises up her sleeve, including wedding ceremonies to complete the process that she’s already started. When she posted pictures of a ceremony, everyone was sure she had tied the knot officially. But it was just step two of a five-step wedding…

T’S something that can completely scupper marriage negotiations, any uncle or aunt who’s been part of a lobola delegation will tell you. And it’s usually the bride’s family that starts the drama, demanding seemingly extortionate amounts of money for ‘their child’ before they can allow her to marry the love of her life. Even if the families do finally reach some sort of agreement, when one party feels like they’ve sacrificed too much in the negotiations it can lead to a marriage starting off on the wrong note. And this is all because, according to cultural experts, some families make it all about something it’s not: chankura. Cultural expert Mlawu Tyatyeka says lobola is not about money. He says in the olden days, women did not work and so paying…

It’s a fight almost to the proverbial bitter death. These people were once head-over-heels lovers, who swore before a crowd of witnesses that they’d have each other – to love and to hold – from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer and for poorer – are now locking horns in a fierce divorce battle. And one of them, most of the time, is definitely trying to get richer once the divorce goes through while the other gets poorer. It’s something few couples want to think about when they plan to walk down the aisle, to be joined together in holy matrimony and all those nice things: marriage contracts. Certainly, when couples are concluding customary weddings the idea of pulling out a contract about the division of marital…

She can’t believe they’ve known each other for almost 20 years. They met when she was a teenager, fell in love and have been doing life together since then. And with the life they have created together, she can’t imagine changing anything at all in their love story. Phindile Ndaba-Tshabalala tells us about how she and her soulmate went from teenage love to Mr and Mrs. She and her husband Sphiwe Tshabalala now have two boys together, Thandol-wethu and Hlelolwenkosi and are looking forward to what the next 20 years brings. She still remembers the day they met. “We met in 2003 during the June 16 public holiday at a friend’s party. It was his cousin’s place and I just wanted to leave. At the time, I was 17 doing…

There is an old Xhosa saying that goes: intonga entle igawulwa ezizweni. Loosely translated, it means you will have to travel far to find a good thing. This is exactly what these women did when they married outside of their own cultures, exposing themselves to a whole different kind of life. With multiple cultures and 11 official languages, it is not uncommon for South Africans to marry into different races or cultures. Getting used to your partner’s cultural practices, however, can be a daunting experience for many. For instance, as an English and Afrikaans-speaking coloured woman, Portia Hlongwane did something that no traditional bride would think to do. She ate meat that was in the kraal, only allocated to men. Meanwhile, to this day, Xhosa-speaking Okuhle Tamella still teases her…

OWNING a property comes with many perks, but it also comes with great responsibility. Break-ins, storms and fire are just some of the unforeseeable events that a property owner may have to deal with. If they have insured their property then it won’t be stressful, but if not, they will bear the costs. This is why it is important to have insurance from the moment you take ownership of a property. Property insurance protects against certain incidents that may occur in your property, so Natasha Kawulesar advises that “it is essential to ensure your property immediately from ownership”. “One will never know when their property will be damaged, therefore property insurance should be considered immediately. If not, one risks facing an unnecessary financial burden. “Insurance is there to alleviate some…

It’s a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl, they fall in love and get married. But sometimes fairy tales don’t always last and happily ever after doesn’t happen. And what do you do when that happens? You try again and if you’re like Sello Maake ka Ncube, Cupid will hit you again and again until you get another chance at love to be with your soulmate. Sello (62) got married in London to Caribbean woman, Del in 2004 when he was 44 years old and she was 40. It ended within a year. Then he was married to Palesa in 2013 when he was 53 and she was 39. Neither of these weddings were overly extravagant, there weren’t too many bells and whistles, but the man was in…

Her new name is Nakhane. It means “build each other”, an apt name for the Xhosa bride who was recently received with unimaginable love by her in-laws when they welcomed her into the Pandliwe family as a new bride in Komani. But as she sits on the reed mat, clad in traditional Xhosa makoti attire, eyes cast downwards and eating utsiki, she is not simply playing into some patriarchal stereotype. Nolo Phera (21) is marrying the love of her life, Sangiwe Pandliwe, in the way she wants to – by celebrating her Xhosa heritage. Sangiwe says that while it might be strange for her dad that she is marrying a woman, her Old Man and the elders in the family are 100% in her corner. They have been dating since…

He has sent the letter to your house, the lobola negotiations are heating up, and pretty soon you’ll be a Mrs. Your family is ready to do a welcoming ceremony for the groom and his negotiators and your makoti outfit are ready for the day his family welcomes you into their fold. Every season is wedding season in South Africa. And, in terms of our country’s various customary traditions, there are a lot of steps involved in the marriage process. Moreover, each culture does things differently. But, from a customary law perspective, at what stage exactly can a couple be considered married? This is a debate that’s divided South Africans since the Sunday World reported that a legal battle was on the horizon for radio presenter Pabi Moloi and her…

Her problems began the moment she started dating him. The dis - cussed the issue then and assumed things would improve over time, but this hasn’t been the case. More than a decade later, the same problem still persists. “I’ve been married for 11 years and I still feel like an outsider,” Thabi* says. “Every time we have a family gathering, I have to prepare myself mentally to be strong. I know I will be insulted. “My mother-in-law will make comments like, ‘My son is looking thin so you’re obviously not feeding him well’ or ‘Your children are always so badly behaved.’ I get compared to his sisters all the time and am made to feel like a bad wife and a bad mother. “It’s very difficult because I don’t…

OU’VE just said ‘I do’. The honeymoon is over and it’s time to start talking about your future. And one of the things you want to do is get your first house together. Whether it is to just get something bigger for your blended family or because you were living separately before the big day, it’s time to think about the house you want. But first, the technicalities. There’s a lot that goes into finding and buying a house. This includes understanding the language that comes with the property market. We break down some of the essential information you need when you buy your house. This is a period in your life when you might have to pay the fees of more attorneys than some people will ever deal with…

You made the decision to wait until you are married. You’ve been dating and courting for a while and, even though you’ve come close, you’ve actually never slept with each other. You wanted it to be special, to only happen once you were legally married. Whether you chose to abstain for religious or personal reasons, that first time can be daunting. While it may be exciting, it can also be unnerving, experts say. So, what can you do to make it easier for both of you? RELAX INTO IT Don’t expect your sex life to be at the same level as the scenes you see in movies, dating guru Natasha Ivanovic writes on LovePanky. “It’s not real, first of all. What you need to focus on is the sex you’ll…