Innholdsfortegnelse for April 2020 i Cosmopolitan

Oh, hi, this is entertainment director Maxwell Losgar. While the rest of the Cosmo staff covers celebrities, Maxwell *hangs out* with them—it’s his job to get famous people into the magazine. Which, TBH, takes a big personality and a lot of work. But, like, really fun, really fancy work. Here’s a day in the life: 8 A.M. After two hours of hitting snooze, I’m finally in my apt building’s gym with my trainer. We are modifying almost every move bc I’m a stubborn Taurus who prefers snacking over sweating. 9:30 A.M. I sing to my cat, Scotch, before I head out the door. I know, cat people. But my husband and I travel a lot, so a dog just isn’t a reality. 10 A.M. I’m at a screening of Dakota…

Fast food is always delicious, full stop (@ me, Whole30). It might also be the only thing I have in common with The Famouses, so yeah, Imma be copying their orders. These are the humans who don’t blink when dropping $64.78 at Wendy’s and never have to pull a “We have food at home.” They probably employ live-in chefs, so if they’re hitting a drive through, you know it’s for a *very* good reason. Bone apple tea, my friends. SHAY MITCHELL This classy-ass lady ordered her Domino’s pepperoni pizza in the shape of a heart. Would 10/10 copy for the ’gram alone. KIM KARDASHIAN WEST KKW makes her McD’s order fancy as fuck by dipping her chicken nuggets in honey. Obvi, there’s a small fry on the side. Suddenly my…

Everyone’s favorite showrunner is about to gift us with new Netflix series Hollywood, all about the ~glamorous scandal~ of Tinseltown in the ’40s and also, it seems, men with great jawlines. Until then, here’s how to fill the kinda chic, kinda creepy void in your life. START What’s your go-to last-minute Halloween costume? Button-down + headband + skirt = Blair Waldorf. Fake blood + dark lipstick + all black = hot lil vampire. HBD, BFF. How far into the archives do you dig for that Insta Story post? YEARS! Our prom pics never disappoint. Maybe a few months? The photos from her bach party best fit my ’gram aesthetic. What do you listen to when you need to get over a breakup? “Truth Hurts,” by Lizzo. a Adele’s entire discography.…

Rain’s your ticket to Extraville. When else can you wear transparent plastic and wave around a colorful stick? 1 ’Ella, ’ella, eh, eh Stop it with your cheap black CVS one and start coordinating. Aka if a pastel vibe’s your thing, get an umbrella in complementary light colors. 2 Let’s talk jacket A see-through slicker will save *and* show off your carefully planned ’fit. Multitasking? Oh, yes, I actually know her really well. 3 Yep, time to crop This pants style is v important on puddly days, especially if you love a wide-leg option. The higher hem means your shins won’t get slapped with soggy fabric and also, obvi, lets your cute, waterproof booties shine. JUST SOME CUTE SLICKERS…

No clasps, no probs Keep it très breezy with a closure - less cardi. Cozy vibes only A slouchy number is ideal for lazy days. Drop it lowww Wear a deep V without a shirt underneath for some surprising sexiness. Bonus points: Frenchtuck into jeans. Cute ’n’ cropped Pair a cable-knit QT with high-waisted denim for the spring mood. Neutral territory Calling all minimalist s: A toneddown style in a soft hue is every thing chic. They even have collars Same preppy look with a ~vintage~ twist. AHEM You don’t have to fasten all the but tons, folks! The style hangs better over bot toms when some are left open.…

SOURCE: COSMO POLL if I’m going to pay for an actual facial, you better believe I need to walk out of there with the same skin as Gigi Hadid. So when what happens instead is red blotchiness, well… this, friends, is why I stopped getting facials. And why I’m skeptical of anything with “facial” attached to it—including this new treatment I’ve been noticing on salon menus. To be fair, the concept itself does make sense: Your scalp has a lot in common with the skin on your face, which is why you can find zits, red patches, and flaky spots hiding out underneath your hair. So it stands to reason that a scalp facial *could* identify and treat that stuff. And that, fine, in the name of objectivity and I…

Here’s a shitty fact for ya: The packaging and containers from beauty and personalcare products (so everything from used mascara tubes to your face cream’s plastic wrapper) help make up nearly a third—yes, ONE-THIRD—of all the trash in our country’s landfills. This is bad, you guys. Really bad. And being a beauty editor who tests hundreds (hell, thousands) of products each year, I’m feeling especially guilty. So I decided to start replacing all my empties with ecofriendlier options. I’m not talking about “green beauty” (which is great but not always sustainable). I’m talking about products that are plastic-free or come in biodegradable and/or recyclable materials. First up: the giant bottles of body wash sitting on my shower floor. I swap them for a bar soap wrapped in compostable paper (so…

START When’s the last time you bought butter? Last week. Somehow, I haven’t eaten the whole stick yet. IDEK how much that stuff costs or where I would store it? Olive oil? If you’re asking whether I have it, I do. Is soy sauce close enough? Any chance you’ve got some lemons lying around? My pre-game was last night, so, yes. Do you think I’m the Olive Garden heiress or something? What’s your cheese situation? Bleak. I’m never without a few bricks… for emergencies. What kind of spices are you working with? Red pepper flakes, salt, and nothing else. I’ve got garlic powder, salt, pep, and rando taco seasoning. Can you get your hands on peanut butter, a lime, and maple syrup? Actually, yes! Nope. Do you have any vegetables…

they started when I was 15. Random, sharp jolts, somewhere between a period cramp and a stabbing sensation, on my lower right side. Over the next decade, I would tell three primary-care physicians and four gynecologists about the pain. They all brushed it off, so I did too. After all, I was 5'2" and weighed 185 pounds. On paper, I was “obese,” which might be why doctors hinted that my issues could probably be solved by cutting carbs. By the time I was 24, the cramps were hitting daily and I still had no idea what was going on. One summer day, while walking the beach with my boyfriend, it felt like someone hit me across the pelvis with a shovel. I told my gyno, who said that if I…

Your first guest is always the wrong guest. Inevitably, they are a host clinger or the one who eats all your good crackers and vents about her boyfriend while you’re still applying winged eyeliner. Your second guest is the antithesis of the first, and as you are the only reason they’re together in the first place, you try to do your best to give them something to talk about. (And frankly, you *need* to hover—even though something is def burning—JIC guest one turns to guest two with, “Omg, were you the one who puked in the Uber on Memorial Day weekend?”) Just when you think things are fine, your only vegan friend, who was a “maybe,” rings the bell as you’re removing a tray of chicken wings from the oven.…

it’s not that tarot is hard. There are just a lot of rules: Every deck has 78 cards, and you’ve got to get to know each one and what it symbolizes and then let your intuition guide you and then interpret complex spreads.…Okay, fine, it *is* hard. And TBH, it can feel like work. (Actual work, in my case—I do tarot readings for a living.) Which is why, lately, I’ve been turning to oracle cards, the v, v Insta-friendly decks you’ve now seen everywhere (they come in themes like fairy tales, cats, and millennial pink). Think of them as kind of like a way cooler but just as simple Magic 8-Ball. Each card delivers a message symbolized by an image—don’t worry, packs usually come with a guidebook that explains what’s…

Dear Aliza, I’m starting to get serious with a Leo. We met on a dating app and hit it off instantly. Things are going great—I really like him, and recently, we both agreed to delete our profiles and be exclusive. The thing is, though…we hardly ever see each other. We text and DM 24/7, but he always ends up flaking on our plans. I know his job is extremely demanding, but I’m starting to feel like he’s avoiding me. Is this just modern love or am I being played? Sincerely, Vexed Virgo Dear Vexed Virgo, First, I’ve gotta remind you that you’re governed by Mercury, the planet of expression and communication. Dialogue is *very* important to you, so I’m glad you have a great rapport with your Leo! Unfortunately, your…

WANDS FOR ALL How the classic stacks up against a bunch of newer, kinda similar playthings.…

So many of us avoid it like the GD plague: Nearly 47 percent of women are less likely to even go on a first date when they have their periods, according to a new survey by menstrual cup company Flex. If cramps, bloating, etc. are to blame, obviously that’s fine (and I feel you). Buuut if it’s because you’re worried about a red tide cramping your sexual style, please, I implore you, keep reading. It capitalizes on your horniness. Biologically speaking, women may have the easiest time getting turned on while ovulating, aka not bleeding. But anecdotally, some women say they experience buzzing levels of sexual desire during their periods, reports Eduardo Hariton, MD, an ob-gyn and fertility specialist. You may have a more intense orgasm. When you’re on your…

GO TWO-TONE The trick to wearing two different shadow colors and not looking insane? “Make their bases match,” says makeup artist Vincent Oquendo (aka the genius behind this story’s bomb eye looks). That means cool tones with cool tones, warm with warm. Baby blue and lavender are a solid duo—put one color on each lid using your fingers or a shadow brush, then level up your overall lewk with a like-minded ombré mani. PLAY WITH PEARLS… LOTS OF PEARLS If you’ve been on Insta in the past 15 minutes, then you know: Pearls are having a moment. So don’t be shy—use a lash glue (Ardell makes good ones) to place the little bbs (there are tons of options on Amazon) on your brows, upper lash lines, and nail beds. And,…

Let’s think back, for a moment, to simpler times. Times when celebs leaked their locations to photogs from their Black-Berrys. Pre-Instagram, an omg-I-didn’t-see-you-there pic was the only way to show off an “effortless” OOTD or a budding’ship. Now, stars can post anything at any time on their own feeds. So who needs the paps anymore? They do. Because some things (read: convincing #Relationship-Goals snaps) just hit differently when they’re “candid.” Basically, famous people still tip off the TMZs of the world to control their own narratives…without seeming like they’re trying to control their own narratives. It’s meta, it’s sneaky, and you’re too damn smart to fall for these setups. At least, now you are. When they need to hype a completely real, not-at-all-fake relationship So Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello…

At least I wasn’t dating someone who pretended to have cancer. in my mid-20s, I fell into a major emotional slump. It wasn’t capital-D depression, but I was feeling stalled at work and overwhelmed by adulting and spent most nights sculpting my butt imprint into my couch. The little energy I had I used to scroll through Roku to find something—anything!—to stream while playing Dots on my phone. To my rescue, oddly, came a lil franchise called The Real Housewives. Suddenly I was watching back-to-back episodes, obsessing over blowout fights in the Hamptons and abhorrent name-calling in Beverly Hills. The over-the-top-ness of their manufactured, rich-people probs was somehow exactly what I needed to wind down and put my own angst in perspective. No matter how crappy I felt—or how many…

look, listen, shredding a paycheck on a thing that you don’t need for survival is low-key terrifying. But what if you did it anyway…and actually felt good about it? Is that sorcery possible? Sure is! Right this way to validation station. 1. What kind of impact will this splurge have on your life? a Oh, just priceless memories that could shape how I see the world.b Time is money. So that. Mama needs more hours in the day.c Not sure—but it’ll be very pretty. 2. If you don’t spend money on this thing right now, what will you do? a Think about it forever and go to my grave regretting it.b Spend the next two hours sob-singing sad Halsey songs.c Pray to the Fashion Nova gods that it goes on…

1 You acknowledge only the photos you actually like… How retro! You’re the rare breed of human who passes on an online sale when you truly don’t need anything—even if it’s all, like, 70 percent off. Your selfcontrol is astounding and low-key disturbing. 2 You accidentally Like and immediately un-Like… Removing that little red heart is a true act of bravery. But we’re gonna pretend not to know you when you ask to speak to a manager over the rogue tomatoes in your salad. Those “food allergies”? Lies. 3 You refuse to Like any post with 500 or more Likes… IYO, that girl from college who’s always featured on Barstool gets enough Likes! Your fave activity is dragging popular radio songs for being overplayed. FWIW, it’s okay to enjoy French bulldogs and cold brew.…

Whoops! Your finger slipped and you clicked on a Reformation dress that’s the cutest—but also $175. Except, wait, right below the price, it says, “Or four installments of $43.75 by Afterpay,” and you’re like, Excuse me, what? You have so many questions. Here are the answers you need. Q How does this even work? A “Buy now, pay later” (or BNPL, as the cool kids say) is exactly what it sounds like: a service that lets you break up payments on expensive things so you’re not dropping a ton of cash all at once. A bunch of new companies, including Afterpay, offer it. You just sign up for an account, pass a quickie credit check, then shop for items on the BNPL biz’s site or in its retail partners’ stores.…

Prep it Do. Not. Skip. This. Step. Smooth skin is the key to an even tan, so grab a wet washcloth or cleansing brush (both will give you a more even exfoliation than a grainy scrub) and softly rub your entire face and neck in small, gentle circles. Add cream The drier parts of your face can be a magnet for DHA, the chemical that reacts with your skin to create a “tan.” Prevent patchiness by massaging a tiny dab of oil-free moisturizer (oil = the enemy of fake tans everywhere because it breaks down the formula) around your hairline, brows, nostrils, upper lip, and neck. Chill for 10 minutes, letting it sink in before you put on your faux glow. Apply tanner… Fact: Most streaks are caused by using…

unless you, IDK, live under a rock or something, you’ve heard that retinol can basically Benjamin Button your face. It smooths away fine lines, fades dark spots, and minimizes pores…but at a cost. “A quarter of my patients can’t use retinol because their skin is too sensitive or they aren’t willing to deal with the drying side effects,” says dermatologist Mona Gohara, MD, an associate clinical professor at Yale. You know what almost everyone can deal with? Bakuchiol. Think of it as a plant-based retinol *without* any harsh repercussions. It still increases cell turnover and the production of collagen (the stuff that gives your skin good glow)—IMO, it’s the best new thing to come out of the recent clean-beauty movement. Here’s what to know before adding to cart. 1. You…

1. How did this food come to be? A. I made it myself! B. I delivery-apped it this weekend. C. The freezer section of my grocery store came through. 2. Have you attempted micro activity with this dish before? A. No, but I can’t wait to see how it all turns out! B. Yeah, at home. Is there some other protocol here? C. I basically nuke the same thing every day. 3. Did what you’re microwaiting have gills in another life? A. Errrrrm. B. I’m not quite sure? C. Are you joking? What monster… 4. What color would you say this stuff smells like? A. Brown. Oh, wait, that’s probably bad. B. Maybe green or red. C. What’s the color of air? 5. The last time you opened the container you’re…

turns out, job hunting while you’re on the clock of your current job can *literally* be a fireable offense. But because that isn’t fair and seems real problematic for lots of IRL reasons (like, hi, you spend more time at the office than at your actual home), I’m here to tell you how to do it anyway. Swear yourself to secrecy. Don’t tell anyone at your company that you’re job hunting (sadly, even your work wife could be sus). It can’t hurt, though, to spill to a select number of people outside the office, especially former colleagues. Letting them know you’re “open to opportunities” is a low-key way of saying “HMU.” Pick up your phone. If you’re working till WTF o’clock every night, it’s tempting to stay even later to…

1 Hide your sh*t Stuff the random crap lying around into duffels and suitcases or—if you’re living large—an empty washer/dryer. 2 Hack your trash To make sure it doesn’t draw unwanted attention, store a scented dryer sheet in the bottom of the bin. Hide extra bags down there too so you don’t have to scramble later on. 3 Wipe your faucets Windex-ing the metal parts of your sinks makes a huge difference. Try it. You’ll see. 4 Hang a hand towel If you have only one and it’s dirty (same), set out a clean dish rag. No one will know. 5 Trick them by making it smell clean Spray a little Lemon Pledge on a paper towel and hide it somewhere.…

1 Give out goodie bags…of garbage. Ask your buds to grab a bag of trash as they walk out the door. You threw the party—it’s the least they can do. 2 Make a dump bucket. This is just as gross as it sounds: Find a big pitcher and pour all the half-empty drinks into it. Pour the monstrosity into the kitchen sink. Repeat until you know you won’t wake up to a stale beer smell. 3 Soak. Everything. Don’t wash—just plug the drain and toss your Brie-crusted plates into the sink with warm water and soap. No scraping come sunrise.…

ARIES (03.21–04.19) It’s a stacked few weeks for your Google Cal, with party after party and app match after app match. Once Taurus season starts on April 19th, work takes over and the rest of the month is all about chasing your bag. TAURUS (04.20–05.20) You have zero time for life rn. You’re focusing hard on your job and getting shit done. Stay strong—a big raise is coming with Taurus season on April 19th. You’ll finally break out of this rut and start feeling ~lively~. GEMINI (05.21–06.20) Lovey Venus slides into your sign on April 3rd, and the social zones of your chart are getting lit TF up. Basically, it’s perfect astro weather for partying, so have fun, bb! Sleepy Taurus season will be here soon enough. CANCER (06.21–07.22) Hi,…

despite how it may seem, less can actually be more in astrology. And by that, I mean that tiny lil things can have major ~impacts~ on your life. Case in point: asteroids. Technically considered minor planets, these bbs are loaded with energy. They’re less personality- and destinydefining than, say, planets, but there are waaay more of them, and their movements within your astrological houses can affect you big-time. Astrol-ogy! It’s a lot! And rn, these asteroids are popping off like a Housewives reunion on steroids. Once you stop screaming, peep this guide to see what the key asteroids could mean for your April. CHIRON (technically an asteroid-comet mashup) is currently in Aries and exposing your deepest boo-boos from childhood—the ones that have never quite healed, despite lots of care. LILITH…

Okay, sure, the 50-plus-year-old Magic Wand, as it’s now officially called (the manufacturer has dropped the “Hitachi,” but, like, it’ll always be the Hitachi, you know?), is crazy-loud and weighs almost one and a half pounds. It looks like a Game of Thrones–style weapon, one I’d probs get arrested for trying to take through TSA. But oh dear god, how I love it. Its two speeds—“holyshithereIcome” and “omgomgomg”—take me from zero to howling in about a minute, stimulating every nerve ending at once. I mean, you’ve gotta respect a toy with power so intense that it needs to be plugged in to a wall. (If I’m ever feeling like it might erase my clitoris from the planet, I simply put a layer of fabric between me and the machine.) Also:…

I know what you’re thinking, and it’s true (at least in my experience): An MD who specializes in vaginas is way above average at sex. Still, having your guy spend most of his time between other women’s legs is… interesting. Especially when you run into one of said patients at the grocery store. Other stuff I wish I’d known before flirting across the stirrups: PRO Having your own WebMD Worried about weird spotting or odd feels during sex? You have 24/7 access to a (sincerely) concerned expert. Birth control is a given This is basically the opposite of dating that grimy guy who is thoroughly convinced the pull-out method is legit. It’s true: phenomenal sex It’s both obvious and maybe a little bit cringey, but he knows where to touch…

1975 to 2016ish. When it comes to wet T-shirt contests, which statement most represents how you feel? 47% I didn’t even know they were a thing. 19% I’d watch one but I wouldn’t participate. 12% I’m totally against them. 11% I would compete! 11% I wouldn’t participate in one, but my friends have. ALL ATTEMPTS TO RESURRECT THE DEPARTED HAVE, THANKFULLY, FAILED. Best known as the spring break mascot of the’90s, The Wet T-Shirt Contest died sometime around the summer of 2016, due to…let’s call them complications. Just kidding—it was murdered by a generation of women who aren’t down to throw on a white tee with nothing underneath, get drenched in water, and allow themselves to be judged by a crowd of fist-pumping bros. The proud brainchild of a Louisiana…

MY OVERALL NIGHT STAND VIBE Chaotic but chic THE MOST SURPRISING ITEM IN THERE RN Slime ALWAYS ON TOP Lavender spray and other people’s phone chargers that they left at my house, mwahaha MY SNACK SITCH None in my nightstand, but I do wake up with crumbs everywhere from my middle-of-the-night adventures. BOOK BY THE BED Eileen, by Ottessa Moshfegh SLEEP MASKS: YEA OR NAY? Yea!! I have this one I’m currently using that says “SEX” on it. It’s adorable. WHAT I STEAL FROM MY PARTNER’S NIGHT STAND Nothing—I’m a SAINT. HOW I WAKE UP I never change my alarm labels, so I wake up to one from a year ago that says, “Take Morty to vet.” Hey! Text “subscribe” to 77177 to get this mag every month. MESSAGE AND…

Close your eyes and picture the Bachelor. It doesn’t matter which one comes to mind because we’re all picturing the same thing—a tall, Objectively Cute Catch with very white teeth and hair that no number of make-outs can knock out of place. In fact, this kinda looks like him right here! Okay, it’s not, but we couldn’t help but have ourselves a little fun smooshing together these guys’ features. Just about every past Bach checks most of the boxes below, so go ahead and select your faves to predict the star of season 25. Hair □ A short cut with a hint of a curl that he perfected during his days as a contestant.□ Full of gel, a little crunchy to the touch, emphasizing those intense “I’m gonna marry you…

He *also* checks all the boxes on our “soft-boi qualities we simply can’t resist” list: He’s sensitive, scene stealing, tall but not weirdly jacked, and as kind IRL as you’d hoped he would be. Or, at least, he’s damn sweet on the phone. And as I found out when I called him up one recent Friday night, he’s really good with his hands, in more ways than one (relax, everyone, I’m talking about cooking). All right, paint a picture for me. Where are you sitting right now? On my couch in a sublet apartment in Vancouver, where I’m filming. I’m next to the fireplace. Excuse me, a fireplace? Well, it’s not a real one. It does actually produce heat, but it’s less romantic than it sounds because it’s just a…

To whomever invented the idea of dusting because a season changed: It’s dumb. Not dumb: finding a bet ter activity by picking one answer from each of these columns and smooshing them together. Bye! YOUR CELEB CRUSH’S EYE COLOR IS: BROWN Create a trifold vision board of… BLUE Journal about… GREEN Start a newsletter based on… HAZEL Internet-investigate… THE LAST PERSON WHO TEXTED YOU IS: MOM so you can finally say you did. BFF because karma. BOSS until you decide to take a seven-hour nap. S. O. just like Lizzie McGuire’s alter ego would’ve wanted you to. LAND LORD because in 2020, we’re manifesting. EX in the name of self-care. PHONE COMPANY DATA UPDATE into oblivion. YOUR PREFERRED VENDING-MACHINE SNACK IS: DORITOS the sex scenes in Outlander… DONETTES your Little…

Pairing the right bottoms and footwear might be the most important decision you make each morning. (Okay, dramatic, but still.) It’s honestly trickier than it looks bc some combos (e.g., longer shorts + ankle straps) can make you look “honey-I-shrunked.” Follow this plan for all the leg-lengthening ~secrets~ and to nail your spring look. OKAY, SO… Flat form strappy sandals aren’t the *best* leg lengtheners, but showing off a whole lot ta skin makes up for that. TIP FOR YA Cuff a belted pair to make it a lil less profresh and a lot more chill.…

A FRESH FLORAL UPDATE “It’s like the OG Flowerbomb of my high school days—except lighter and spiked with rose. Great for when I want to project a grown-up chill vibe.” RUBY BUDDEMEYER, beauty editor THIS GENIUS CONCEALER “It. Does. Not. Budge. And it covers dark circles and breakouts so well, you might forget you ever had them. Oh, it also is hydrating and gives you zero flashback in pics. Safe for Insta and beyond!” AMA KWARTENG, beauty assistant A V GENTLE CONDITIONER “I have to be so, so careful with my double-processed platinum hair, so I use only mild, sulfate-free products that are super nourishing. This vitamin-B-infused formula is my new fave.” CARLY CARDELLINO VACCARO, beauty director THE MULTI-TASKING-ESTSERUM “Lately, my morning routine consists of only two things—SPF and this.…

LEG MAKEUP “I’m actually so obsessed with this product. It’s my go-to for a natural bronze color when I don’t have a tan. And even though it’s technically for legs, I’ll use it all over.” TINTED LIP BALM “I don’t love the feeling of wearing lipstick or lip gloss. Instead, I put on liner and layer this balm right on top. I love how it makes me look like I have naturally rosy lips.” STASSI SCHROEDER of Vanderpump Rules fame (duh) FAKE LASHES “I like to cut up the strips into tiny pieces and put them where I need extra volume. These have just the right amount of wispiness.” FACE WIPES “I don’t always have time to wash my face fully, so I keep these literally everywhere for when I need…

I’m not gonna pretend that nerdy organizational tips make the whole moving process “fun,” because—hahaha—lies. What I am proposing: Moving can be tolerable and even, dare I say, satisfying if you have the right hacks. These are the right hacks. Packing up Bundle by purpose. Do you paint your nails only at the kitchen table? “Then you want your nail stuff to be packed with your kitchen stuff because that’s where it’s going to live,” says Ría Safford, founder of RíOrganize. It might not make sense for everyone, but it does make sense for you. Avoid the newspaper. Ink transfers easily, so get some plain packing paper—or use any kind of towel, which you have to pack anyway—to ensure your breakables don’t get stained with alarming headlines. (This tip brought…

What I mean is, the combo of your Pods + your phone = spyware you didn’t even know you had. Now, let me show you how to use this hidden feature for really important, practical, not-at-allcreepy purposes.* STEP 1 Connect your AirPods to your phone via Bluetooth. STEP 2 In your iPhone’s Settings, tap Control Center, then Customize Controls, and add the Hearing feature by clicking on the green plus sign next to it. STEP 3 Swipe into your actual Control Center and tap the Hearing button (it looks like an ear). Select Live Listen. STEP 4 Put your AirPods in, put your phone down, walk up to 30ish feet away—and you’ll still hear everything that’s going on in the room where you left it. Please use the power for…

i find little ways to surprise myself all the time. Some days, I leave my AirPods in the pocket of my jeans and then I throw those jeans into the washing machine. Other days, I accidentally sprinkle turmeric instead of cinnamon in my coffee. Being a walking disaster is, I’d always assumed, just one of my adorable personality traits. You see, for most of my adult life, I thought I was a Leo Rising. That’s what came up when I plugged “12 a.m.,” my made-up birth time, into birthchart generators. (I didn’t know that my birth deets would get lost in shuffled adoption paperwork when I was born or I would have checked the clock when I exited the womb.) The Leo thing made sense: Although I’m a mysterious Scorpio…

ARIES Three words: hella petty competitiveness. Srsly, stop. TAURUS Inflexibility. But not, like, the physical kind, you feel me? GEMINI That thing where you do 100 things at once but nothing actually gets done. CANCER Passive-aggressive Post-it Notes. Yep. LEO Pride. VIRGO Your need to know ev-er-y detail of ev-er-y-thing. *deep breaths* LIBRA Insecurity. SCORPIO You’re an enigma. Like that Lady Gaga show. SAGITTARIUS Fear of commitment. Boo! CAPRICORN Workaholism. Admitting is the first step of recovery. AQUARIUS Too. Much. Daydreaming. Pay attention, bb! PISCES That whole martyr complex.…

first, let me clarify that by “bad texter,” I mean the dude who takes hours to say he’s “bored at work lol” and/or spells “shrimp scampi” as “shrimps camping,” not the bro who leaves you on read because he’s…I don’t know what, there’s no excuse. From now on, the person who struggles to cough up an “ok” should no longer be the one you drop from your rotation. Here’s why: 1. He won’t be phubbing you when you two are out together IRL. You’ll have his undivided attention because he responds to people on his time. 2. Your iPhone Screen Time report won’t make you feel personally attacked. Less texting = less time on your cellular = more minutes spent walking to the farmers market (or doing other cute shit…

Honestly, the Hitachi should have peaked with its “Is it a neck massager or vibrator?” homage on Sex and the City. Why it didn’t—and why some people still won’t STFU about it—remains a mystery to me. Y’all, this toy is like a jackhammer on the clit. I know this because for journalism, I tried it out myself…and honestly, it’s a miracle I can still feel any sensation at all down there. Plus, even the newer cordless version isn’t water-or “splashproof.” Ex-squeeze me? I squirt when I orgasm, and I almost always use sex toys in the shower. The Hitachi is so cumbrously huge that even if I didn’t electrocute myself by bringing it in there, masturbating would be like trying to womanhandle a Costco-size shampoo bottle. The only way I’ll…

AND BY “LIST,” WE MEAN… No list at all? You can just throw every single “vacay vibes” piece you own into a bag and head out the door. Done, you getaway goddess, you. “SPRING BREAK MAXIMAL IST” Aka the tit le we should all aspire to. This patterned two-piece = just the beginning. BEAUTY BONUS A matte red lip with black tightliner is pretty much the ultimate makeup power move. Try Chanel Rouge Allure Luminous Intense Lip Color in Passion, $38. OH, AND YES TO HATS. ALL THE HATS. Not trying to wear a squished bb to the beach though, so hot tip: Wear it through security and on the plane instead of packing it inside. BEAUTY BONUS Keep your braids from getting thirst y in the heat with Pantene’s…